Today was pretty boring. Standard egg breakfast, followed by a lot of apartment searching. Because I only had about half an hour between searching and having to be at school, Mark & I stopped for lunch at Chipotle. I had seen that it was possible to be Whole30 compliant there, despite their website stating that all of their meats are cooked in soybean oil. Sure enough, the barbacoa and carnitas are soybean oil-free! Hooray! I added some pico, hot sauce, and guac to top it off (and left off the dressing, of course), and it was absolutely delicious. It also kept me full for about six hours, which is impressive for a salad. Dinner was leftovers from last night and some macadamia nuts, and that’s been about it for the day.
I’ve been going back and forth for the past couple of days about whether this is the right thing for me to be doing. My stomach has been bothering me all day long, which has stimulated some of this; however, I still have some cravings that I feel are ridiculous. I’ve never believed that diets that cut out entire food groups were good, as depriving yourself only makes you want it more. I see the point of cutting things out in the Whole30, for the most part, but I’m also wondering how logical it really is. I will be at a concert all day on Saturday, with no idea of what kind of food will be available to me. All I can bring in is nuts and fruit, which is not going to sustain me standing for long periods of time, jumping, and dancing. So what do I do? Another example: I’m going to a wedding next weekend, and I already can’t stop thinking about the wedding cake I won’t be able to eat. I don’t even like wedding cake: it usually sucks (with the exception of my cousin’s delicious cake!) I can count on one hand the number of times that I consume a piece of cake in an entire year. It’s just not a food that I have an issue with. But I can’t stop thinking about it because I’m depriving myself. I feel like that eventually sets people up for a binge (bad news bears). Do I need to reduce my sugar intake? Absolutely. Should I be able to enjoy a piece of cake at the one wedding I will be attending this year? Absolutely…if it’s any good, anyway. I know I sound like I eat gummy bears and chocolate and loads of other candy all day everyday but that’s my crazy cravings and deprivation talking. I won’t lie – I have been buying ice cream and candy more often than I used to lately, so yes, I do need to cut down. They should be special occasion foods rather than emotional comforting foods that I go out and buy after a crappy day at school or work. I knew this before, but I think it’s beginning to seem more plausible after being on this for a week. Every time I went out to buy the ice cream to make me feel better, I knew it was a terrible idea and I shouldn’t be doing it. I told myself it would stop, but it didn’t. Now, even after only a week, I think I could identify that feeling and stop myself, only having it as a treat once every 3 months or something more reasonable.
So when I resolved myself to just being healthy and not Whole30, I found myself at a complete loss about what I would add back to my diet. I knew I wanted to keep abstaining from diet soda and alcohol. Sugar was only going to be at special occasions, if it was worth it. Dairy? I don’t want it yet. Oatmeal? Nah. Beans? Maybe. So now I’m stuck. And still planning to stick with Whole30 for now. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.